


A High-Class Education

by brutti_ma_buoni



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 16:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brutti_ma_buoni/pseuds/brutti_ma_buoni
Summary: The universe sends Tahani and Eleanor into a suspiciously familiar setup. Revelations are made. Self-knowledge is... maintained.





	A High-Class Education

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Selenay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/gifts).



> Set nebulously mid s3 once Michael has clued Team Cockroach in on why they're back on Earth, and there are attempts to salvage some human souls.

“It’s a motherforking palace,” said Eleanor. And at the exact same moment, Tahani said, “Good lord. How will we ever manage in this hellpit?”

Because of course she did. 

Because that was absolutely Tahani. 

But, on the other hand, she stopped, then looked kind of stunned. And said, experimentally, “I mean, it’s not as luxurious as the last ski lodge I visited. Which was owned by my good friend the Aga Khan. But I suppose that’s something rather unusual, and I should make allowances.”

Being back on Earth, and knowing they were there to make amends was making the gang forking weird. (And Eleanor had started swearing in Good Place-ese, even though she was on Earth now, because- Because that was probably part of her own learning. And growing. Fork, she hated that shirt.) Tahani trying not to be a supercilious bitch was… eerie.

“Where do you suppose the owner of this… delightful abode… is to be found?” Tahani asked, with a nose-wrinkle that made _delightful abode_ into serious shade. “After all, we haven’t got all day to save him from his worst instincts and sent him to an eternal reward that we’ll never see ourselves, have we? I’m sorry, I’m feeling a little stressed today.”

(Yep. There Tahani went, apologising for being an ash-hole. Amazing.)

Eleanor cast a glance out of the window, to the world they had literally just walked in from. “Uh, Tahani?”

“I mean, I try _very hard_ these days not to let the eternal damnation get me down, but it’s starting to prey on my mind. And the lack of natural fibres in that couch is giving me hives. Even at this distance!”

“Tahani?”

“There’s probably an electric log-effect fire. And no chalet service whatsoever. This may even be _a shared lodging_.”

“TAHANI! We have a problem!”

Arizona didn’t really have blizzard issues. But Eleanor could recognise as blizzard when one dumped a blanket of snow howling onto the Earth, obscuring every external object. And so could Tahani, who took it really well, especially when they turned out to be alone in the chalet. Yep, completely without maid service. 

After a while, Eleanor just let the ranting roll over her, like mood jazz in a cocktail lounge that was nonetheless doing 2 for 1 margarita pitchers all night. It was kind of a pain, but the chalet was definitely a palace in her eyes, and there was exploring to be done. And experimenting, with the cocktail bar, and the espresso machine, and the- whatever the dingdong which dispensed single chocolate-dipped cherries was called. The blizzard raged. Tahani moved onto a series about Kamilah’s inspirational youth work and the time the Nobel Committee broke down in tears on the call to offer her an exceptional award. Eleanor discovered that tins labelled “foie gras” tasted of strangely addictive meat paste.

Snow piled up against the windows. Night fell. Tahani started on a listing of places where she had stayed which offered a higher quality of life than this particular holiday dwelling. Eleanor enjoyed the flattering mood lighting, and lit some scented candles. 

And started to think ahead a little. 

“Hey, Tahani?”

Tahani actually stopped, which was unexpected. Maybe she’d forgotten Eleanor was around. 

“What is it?” She even sounded halfway interested. 

“Pretty sure we’re stuck here for the night. Want a martini?” 

“God, yes,” said Tahani. “Make it dirty.” Eleanor didn’t even rise to that one, _that’s_ how much she was a reformed motherforker. 

She made it very dirty. Super dirty. And made her own double-strong. And then said, “So there’s only one bedroom here.”

“Oh _God_ ,” said Tahani, abjectly. “I knew it! This dump is a nightmare!”

Eleanor could have argued about whether a one-bed luxury chalet wasn’t actually a better deal than some family thing with bunk beds, if you knew that was the deal. No brats in the way. All the personal service a luxury resort could offer, if they weren’t here illicitly in a goddam blizzard. But she had other things on her mind. Specifically, “I am _not_ sleeping on the couch.”

“Good God, no.” Tahani did an actual full-body shudder. “The static build-up from your hairspray and the fabric… Did you spot a fire extinguisher, actually?” 

“And I’m betting you’re not going to volunteer?” Which was fair. It was more of a loveseat than a couch, and Tahani couldn’t fit half of her tall, voluptuous body onto- Whoa. Stop there. 

Tahani didn’t even bother to respond to the suggestion, though luckily she also apparently didn’t note the turn Eleanor’s thoughts had taken. That way would lead nothing good. Fun, possibly, but not good. 

“So, you’re saying there’s only one bed,” Tahani said, ignoring everything that might be in the atmosphere, and all the passive-aggression that Eleanor was trying to project. “So we’ll have to bunk in together.”

Eleanor drank half a martini in a single gulp. For medicinal purposes. “Yep, that’s about the size of it.” Was it her or was it hot in here, in this… blizzard?

“Well, that’s just perfect,” Tahani responded. “Just like at school, when they used to send us on field trips.” This did not help Eleanor's increasingly feverish state of mind. Like, at all. 

Better still, when they got upstairs, Tahani couldn’t borrow any clothes from their unwitting host because she was too goddam curvy and magnificent, and Eleanor was actually living in a porno at this point as Tahani slunk into bed wearing only tiny panties and a silk camisole which did nothing whatsoever to hide her glories. (Eleanor was wearing a scuzzy t-shirt and sweats, but Tahani’s aura was strong enough to override that. It was definitely a porno. Eleanor could identify porn tropes the way Chidi could look at a situation and draw an important ethical lesson)

Despite the very, very strong vibe, Eleanor kind of expected Tahani to insist on some kind of physical barrier between them. She was more prudish than you’d think by how unself-consciously she dressed and moved. Also Eleanor once spent a very bored weekend at a marathon screening with a boyfriend who was into old British movies, and those dudes did almost nothing except share beds with something called a bolster in between them. 

But not so much. 

Once the light was out, Tahani rolled right up into Eleanor’s space, and said, “Just like school, hmm? Do you want to go on top?”

Eleanor put the goddam light right back on. “Wait, WHAT? What the fork happened on your school trips?”

“Sex,” Tahani said, calmly. “Pretty good sex, too. English boarding school girls may be utter bitches with a weird fetish for field hockey, but let me tell you, they could teach American men a thing or two about cunnilingus.”

Eleanor went hot and cold at the same time. Which was annoying. “Yeah?” she asked, trying for casual. 

“Want me to show you?” said Tahani.

Fork casual. “YES!” Breathe. “I mean, yes, please. For science.”

Tahani’s eyeroll would have graced her friend Joan Collins in her most epic role, but really by this point Eleanor could not have given less of a fuck.

Hell, at least she’d got swearing back. And Tahani’s tongue was-

*

The next morning, Pasha Delisle arrived at his cabin to be less than impressed at finding two strange women sleeping in his bed. Even if one of them did claim to be there to save him “from my sister Kamilah and also by the way eternal damnation. With the _tackiest_ demons.”

At least the blizzard had stopped before he slung them off the back porch. And he let them fetch their clothes, so nobody was bareass naked. No shower time, though. Which was… sticky. 

As they trudged down the mountainside, squeaking and slipping in the fresh powder, Tahani said, “So, um…”

“Yuhuh?” Eleanor would have responded more fully, but she was in the process of almost falling on her ass. And also acute morning-after confusion and regrets. This wasn’t a part of stacking up the virtue points. It had felt good, for sure. All kinds of good. She fell headfirst into a drift remembering just how good. 

Tahani dragged her out, and fussed a little over brushing snow off her jacket. “There. All better. You know, I really thought-“ She started walking again, and Eleanor had to slide-scuttle after her. “I assumed that whole setup was a… well, a setup.”

“Excuse me?”

“The cabin? The blizzard? The one bed? Eleanor, please. I know a seductive cliché when I see one. But it actually was Pasha’s cabin. Which I find confusing.”

“Tahani-“ There was so much Eleanor could say. But, probably better not. “I don’t control the weather, Tahani. Be reasonable. The blizzard can't possibly have been a setup.”

"Oh." And Tahani stopped talking. Which was... something.

They got down the mountain okay. It was only a little awkward. Tahani might have called in a favour from the regional snowmobile champion. Eleanor might have tried to ‘borrow’ his Rolex. The guys were only a half a day’s drive away, and it passed quick enough. Without any actual conversation. 

There was a feeling, somewhere deep down where Eleanor liked to conceal her self-knowledge, that she could have handled that better. 

But then, so could Tahani. So, that was okay. Not being the weaker one was what mattered.

She avoided Chidi’s eyes for the rest of the week. Not that he’d spot a hot lesbian one-nighter if it was happened the other side of his party wall. But if Eleanor was the kind of person who sat down with her friends and talked out complex emotional happenings, she had a feeling that Chidi would have suggested that self-protection wasn’t the only goal worth pursuing. 

Fork that. Eleanor Shellstrop knew herself. Didn't some dude once say that was the most important thing?

**Author's Note:**

> Really sorry about the fade to black. I'd love to know more about Tahani's school technique too.


End file.
